


Ciphercon Drabbles

by xdreamer45x



Category: Gravity Falls, Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja
Genre: (Nomifinja being an evil clone a friend had come up with), F/M, female Human!Nomicon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28587894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xdreamer45x/pseuds/xdreamer45x
Summary: A collection of drabbles I had originally written over on tumblr, featuring the ship of human!Bill Cipher and human!Nomicon :)
Relationships: Bill Cipher/NinjaNomicon, ciphercon
Kudos: 2





	1. Domestic Disputes

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, all! I'm finally moving my fics I had written on tumblr over to AO3! This collection has drabbles I've written for my RC9GN/Gravity Falls AU crossover ship of human!Bill Cipher and human!Nomicon :) Each chapter is a separate drabble with their original accompanying notes/context. Links to their respective posts from my blog will be shared here in the notes for each chapter as well. These are fairly old, so I'll be making use of the backdate feature XD
> 
> This first chapter is a set of multiple drabbles requested all at once from a drabble prompt list ^v^
> 
> Original tumblr post:
> 
> https://xdreamer45x.tumblr.com/post/100148844559/1-2-3-and-5
> 
> ~~~

**1,2,3 and 5**

**\- the-punning-ubus**

okay so since there aren’t any ships/characters specified I will wRITE THE CIPHERCON THINGS

HOLD ONTO YOUR BUTTS KIDDIES THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG RIDE

~~~

_**1.) burning dinner:** _

It was one of those rare occasions where Stan _willingly_ took the kids out somewhere _they_ wanted to go, the proprietor of the Mystery Shack taking the twins, as well as Randy and Howard, down to the mall to have dinner at Hoo-Ha Owl’s Pizzamatronic Jamboree (it was possible Stan was only taking them there so he could try and steal the animatronic badger again). Dipper and Mabel were initially reluctant to return to the restaurant after the whole Giffany incident, but reassurance from their new friends that should the animatronics go rogue a second time, they had a _ninja_ who fought robots on a _daily basis_ on their side. That bit of information effectively assuaged the twins’ worries, so they hopped in the car without hesitation.

Nomi had stayed behind, having been asked by Stan to hold down the fort and keep the Mystery Shack in one piece while he was gone, which was for a good reason because Nomi was alone…

…with _Bill._

Ever since Nomi, Randy, and Howard had arrived in Gravity Falls, the pesky dream demon had taken a fancy to the ancient tome and persisted to hang around the Mystery Shack to get her attention. Whether it was because she was another immortal being like himself or because she was powerful enough to take him on in a decent fight, she’d never know. Bill wasn’t exactly notorious for giving straight answers.

Like Nomi, Bill was capable of maintaining a human form (the Bipper incident was apparently just for shits and giggles, as well as majorly setting back Dipper in his investigation of Gravity Falls’ secrets). Bill didn’t really have a _need_ to utilize a human form, but since Nomi wasn’t walking around as some creepy living book with noodle limbs, he figured he’d follow her lead and put them on a level playing field. Besides, she seemed to pay more attention to him as a human than a floating triangle.

So here they were, a dream demon and a magical tome of ancient ninja knowledge sitting in the kitchen.

Alone.

Having dinner together.

Or at least they were supposed to.

Bill had insisted on cooking despite having no goddamn idea just what the hell he was even doing. He claimed that he was attempting the silly human customs of courting, one of them being cooking dinner for the other. Nomi tried several times to intervene, to keep Bill from _ruining everything_ , but the dream demon merely pushed her off to the side and demanded she sit down or else it wouldn’t count. The only time Nomi succeeded was putting out a grease fire Bill just stared and laughed at.

The fruits of Bill’s labor was a charred, black mess of unidentifiable origin sitting on a paper plate. Nomi poked at it with a fork as Bill watched her intently.

“What the hell is this even supposed to be?” the redhead questioned, grimacing when she heard the crunch of charcoal beneath her fork.

“Beats me!” Bill answered with obnoxious optimism, taking a huge bite out of the concoction. “It tastes terrible!” he laughed, yet continued to eat it.

Nomi shuddered, dropping her fork on the table. “I can’t eat this…” she declared, pushing the plate away from her.

“Aw, why not? I worked so hard on it!” Bill whined, pretending to be hurt. “Just one bite?” he gave her his best puppy-dog eyes- er, _eye._

Nomi just stared him down, green hues filled with stubborn determination. She’d rather die than put that monstrosity he called food anywhere near her mouth.

Bill was persistent, laying it on as thick as he could to break Nomi’s resolve. “Please~?”

Their staring match lasted a good while, Nomi conceding only because Bill wouldn’t leave her alone otherwise. With considerable hesitance, Nomi picked her fork back up and pulled the plate back towards her, searching for the least disgusting part she could find in the horrid, burnt mess. Seeing as she couldn’t find anything satisfactory, she reluctantly broke off a piece from a random spot, timidly holding it just in front of her mouth. Was she seriously going to do this?

“If I die, you stay away from my funeral.” she deadpanned.

“I won’t make any promises.” the dream demon quipped.

Steeling herself, Nomi finally took the plunge, sticking the fork in her mouth and _oh God it tasted **horrible.**_ She was gagging, tears in her eyes while fully expecting to vomit. Bill just watched on in amusement, earning an indignant squeal from the redhead when he insisted she swallow. A tear slid down Nomi’s cheek as the sickening concoction made its way down her throat.

She was dry heaving the second she had swallowed it, reaching for her glass of water to wash out the repulsive taste. Bill snagged the glass at the last second, cackling like mad before Nomi kicked him in the shin and reclaimed it.

“There, was that so bad?” Bill teased, earning a much-deserved death glare.

_“Disgusting.”_ Nomi spat, taking a long swig of her water.

“You’re such a trooper~” the dream demon joked, leaning over to press a firm kiss to the ancient warrior’s cheek. “Now let’s order some takeout, this stuff is gross.”

Needless to say, when Stan and the kids returned home, they were greeted by the sight of a beat up and bleeding Bill Cipher on the floor with a pissed off Nomi sitting on top of him gorging on a box of Chinese food.

~~~

_**2.) shrinking a favorite shirt in the wash:** _

_“BILL!!!”_ came the angered cry from a certain redhead.

Bill Cipher, who had been inspecting the ninja mask he had “borrowed” from Randy, quickly stuffed the enchanted piece of cloth into his suit jacket before casually turning around to face the fuming woman behind him.

“What’s up, Hardcover?” he greeted cheerfully.

“Don’t give me that crap, Cipher.” she hissed, “Did you put my shirt in the wash?”

“Sure did! Wanted to try out those human washing machines and see what all the fuss was about!” Bill responded smoothly.

“Well, you obviously don’t know what the fuck you’re doing _because you shrunk my favorite shirt.”_ Nomi spat, holding up the article in question. “Look at this! I can’t even get my arms through it!”

"I don’t really see what the big deal is, it’s just a shirt.” Bill shrugged.

Nomi growled in frustration. The shirt had been a gift, and while that may not have mattered much to most, it mattered quite a bit to Nomi because _no one_ _ever_ _gave her gifts_ , so she treasured whatever few, little things she received.

“Of course you don’t, and you never will.” she snarled, harshly chucking the now-ruined shirt right in Bill’s face. “You’ve already ruined it anyways…”

And with that, Nomi stormed off, leaving a very confused Bill Cipher in her wake.

~~~

_**3.) finding a cockroach:** _

It was early morning at the Mystery Shack, and while all the kids were still asleep in their beds (hell, even _Stan_ was still asleep), Nomi was already up and about in the kitchen, presumably the only one up at this ungodly hour.

She rooted around the kitchen for something to eat, finally settling on a light breakfast of cereal. Grabbing a plastic bowl from one of the cabinets, Nomi opened the tab on the box and began pouring the cereal inside.

Barely even a few seconds into pouring, a huge brown _something_ came tumbling out of the box, falling right on top of Nomi’s breakfast. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to see that there was a _giant-ass_ _cockroach_ sitting in the bowl.

With a surprised scream, Nomi immediately swatted the bowl off the counter while dropping the box that was in her other hand, the bowl clattering to the floor and trapping the massive bug underneath its overturned surface.

A familiar laugh rang out in the kitchen, earning an eyeroll and a groan from Nomi. Bill Cipher appeared just a few seconds later, standing right behind her. He wrapped his arms around her middle, pulling her up against him before planting a kiss to her cheek. “Well, looks like you found the prize inside!”

“Shut up, Bill.” Nomi grumbled as she pushed the dream demon away from her, “It’s too early for your bullshit…”

“It’s never too early for your daily dose of Vitamin Bill!” he responded cheerfully.

“Tch, more like Vitamin _dumbass…”_ she muttered under her breath, scooping the cereal box off the floor before placing it back on the counter.

"I love you, too~” Bill teased. Nomi just glared darkly at him. “Aw, c’mon Hardcover! Don’t be such a killjoy!”

Nomi was right, it was _way_ too early to be dealing with Bill’s shit. Without so much as a warning, Nomi bent down and lifted the plastic bowl off the floor, quickly scooping up the cockroach in one hand and swiftly flinging it at Bill.

The dream demon’s immediate reaction was to flail around and throw the unpleasant critter off of him, then promptly set it on fire as it hit the ground.

Nomi watched on in disbelief, shaking her head with an exasperated sigh as the cockroach disintegrated in the blue flames. “Really?” she commented, considerably unimpressed. “That was overkill.”

“More like overcooked, if you ask me.” Bill replied, laughing at his own joke until Nomi whacked him in the face with the bowl.

~~~

_**5.) running out of milk:** _

Reaching into the fridge, Nomi pulled out the carton of milk before shutting the door. She then grabbed a glass from one of the cabinets and unscrewed the cap on the carton. Mabel had made a ton of cookies purely on a whim earlier that day, so naturally Nomi wanted to sample a few, and what better way to wash them down than a nice, cold glass of-

…milk?

Green eyes stared blankly at the mostly-empty glass, a layer of milk just barely taller than the length of her fingernail sitting on the bottom. Nomi shook the carton, rewarded with only a few teeny drops of the white liquid. Unbelievable. _Un-fucking-believable._

“Who the hell puts a nearly-empty carton of milk back in the fridge?!” Nomi hollered to no one in particular.

“I though it was enough!” came the answer from an all-too-familiar voice.

_Bill._

Figures that fucking triangle would do something that stupid.

Nomi growled, purposely seeking out the dream demon so she could hurl the now-empty milk carton at him to make a point of _don’t fucking do that you stupid triangle it’s common fucking sense to not put it back if it’s empty._

And to think Bill thought everyone else was dumb.


	2. Not-So-Haunted-House

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt request from a friend on tumblr :)
> 
> Original tumblr post:
> 
> https://xdreamer45x.tumblr.com/post/102081999154/mmmeeeehhh-bill-and-nomi-in-a-haunted-house
> 
> ~~~

**Mmmeeeehhh! Bill and Nomi in a haunted house!!!!!**

**\- punkheart11**

AH MAN SORRY THIS IS SO LATE I COULDN’T THINK OF ANYTHING GOOD UNTIL NOW :0

~~~

_**Not-So-Haunted House** _

“I can’t believe you dragged me here.”

“Aw, c’mon Hardcover! Humans love these things!” Bill draped an arm over Nomi’s shoulders, eliciting a groan from the redhead.

The pair was standing in line right outside a haunted house, supposedly the scariest one in all of Gravity Falls. People of all sorts were packed in the line to get in, eagerly awaiting the thrills inside. Some of who exited the attraction were scared out of their wits whilst others put on brave facades and tried to laugh off their fear in front of their friends to save face. From the looks of it, this haunted house really knew how to frighten its guests, which was precisely why the dream demon brought the ancient tome to it; he wanted to scare the crap out of his “date” and laugh at her expense while having her fall into his ploy of clinging to him the entire night, just like all those corny romances on human television. It was perfect.

They eventually made it to the front of the line, Bill insisting to let just the two of them enter rather than lump them into a group like those who had entered earlier. The line attendant was quick to comply, seeming to understand Bill’s intentions; scaring the lady into the man’s arms to win her affection was a fairly common dating tactic.

Bill was practically trembling in excitement, he could hardly wait to hear all those pretty noises of a terrified Nomi and have her leap into his arms to “protect” her from all the “monsters”. He gave her shoulders a squeeze as they entered the haunted house, a huge grin threatening to split his face in two should it spread any further.

The first scare of the night came as soon as the pair cleared the first room, a grotesque-looking character springing out from a hidden corner with a harsh holler. Bill jumped a bit, more from excitement than anything and quickly shifted his attention to Nomi, who disappointingly didn’t even _flinch,_ much less even scream. Oh well, it was the first scare anyways, just a little warm-up. There was _way_ more and way _worse_ where that came from.

The night just seemed to be filled with disappointments for Bill. With every scare and trick they encountered as they progressed through the haunted house, Nomi hardly jumped or screamed _at all._ Halfway through the route a bloodied-up serial killer character charged at them with a (hopefully fake) chainsaw, even being so bold as to encroach tremendously on their personal space. Nomi just _stood there,_ barely batting an eyelash as the noisy piece of weaponized machinery was held just inches away from her face. That woman was the epitome of fearlessness. Hell, she even _scared_ a few of the actors with her icy stare and stoic attitude. Bill couldn’t help but laugh despite that same demeanor ruining his plans for their “date”.

With many a failed scare, Bill and Nomi finally emerged from the haunted house, hands halfheartedly interlocked. Bill spared a glance at the redhead, miffed that his attempt at wooing her essentially crashed and burned.

“So…I take it you weren’t that scared, huh?” the dream demon queried as they made their way back to the Mystery Shack.

Nomi let out a snort, “Please, I’m forced to share a bed with you and have your face be the first thing I wake up to every morning. Nothing in that haunted house even compares.”

“Ouch, that hurt my feelings.” Bill replied with mock hurt. “Eh, doesn’t matter anyway, I’ll get you to scream for me some way or another.” he shrugged.

An embarrassed blush flared up on Nomi’s cheeks as she caught Bill’s double entendre, letting go of his hand to punch him in the shoulder. Bill just cackled when he realized what he had just implied, moving to wrap an arm around Nomi’s waist and choosing to embarrass her with lewd comments the rest of the way to the Shack.

A few hours later Bill and Nomi were settled in for the night, dressed for bed as they finished up their nightly routines. Nomi was seated at the kitchen table, sipping a cup of calming tea to further relax herself before retiring to her and Bill’s shared room.

Bill shuffled into the kitchen as Nomi continued drinking her tea, proceeding to rummage through the cabinets in search of a late-night snack. The dream demon finally settled on a snack pack of mini cookies, leaning lazily against the counter as he munched on his tiny treats.

A comfortable silence settled in the kitchen, the two ancient beings polishing off their food and drink respectively, looking as if they’d doze off right there on the spot. The serene quiet was instantly shattered when an explosive sneeze suddenly erupted from Bill, the loud sound jolting Nomi to alertness as she nearly launched out of her seat in surprise.

“Jesus, Bill. Nearly gave me a damn heart attack…” Nomi mumbled tiredly, holding a hand over the left side of her chest. Bill seemed to be at a loss for words as he processed what had just transpired.

“Are you serious right now?” a cranky edge took hold of the dream demon’s tone, “I take you to the scariest haunted house in Gravity Falls where you barely even bat an eye, and yet you freak out over a _sneeze?”_

Nomi was quiet for a moment, appearing to be contemplating her answer. “Yes.” she declared nonchalantly, finishing off the last of her tea.

Bill let out a sigh, further slouching against the counter top as he ran a hand through his messy crop of black and neon blue hair.

"You really are something else, Hardcover.”


	3. Cold Snap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Request from a drabble prompt list ^^ NomiFinja is the requestor's character, an evil clone of First Ninja who's a huge creep/pervert ^^; The request was intended as as poly ship, but I'm extremely biased towards ciphercon (and NomiFinja is the sort of creepy character that I love to hate lol), so it ended up as ciphercon with a dash of one-sided NomiFinja/Nomi XD
> 
> Original tumblr post:
> 
> https://xdreamer45x.tumblr.com/post/102134155494/nomifinjaxnomixbill-as-your-faivorite-number-xd
> 
> ~~~

**NomiFinjaXNomiXBill as your faivorite number XD**

**\- pink199**

This definitely falls into ciphercon territory, but whatevs, it was still fun to write :P

~~~

_**16.) the a/c or heater breaking:** _

The Mystery Shack had always been kind of a dump, so it wasn’t surprising that the heater broke during the coldest part of the winter.

Dipper and Mabel had returned to their great uncle’s tourist trap for their winter break, having had a ton of fun in Gravity Falls earlier over the summer. The twins had kept in touch with their Norrisvillian friends after their visit a few months ago, so after telling them that they were back in Gravity Falls for the break, Randy and Howard somehow managed to come out to Oregon and stay at the Shack with the Pines family. Nomi had undoubtedly come along as well, seeing as she was pretty important in regards to all of Randy’s ninja needs. And of course where there was a Nomi, Bill Cipher wasn’t far behind, the dream demon thrilled at the prospect of seeing more of his favorite tome with an attitude.

What would have been a fun-filled and cheerful reunion was spoiled by the addition of an unwanted newcomer. Neither Nomi nor Randy had a clue as to how this predicament happened exactly, but after a training session gone awry, a dark counterpart of the First Ninja, whom Randy had dubbed as “NomiFinja”, had spawned out of nowhere, and _holy hell_ was he annoying. He was a sleazy, smooth-talking pervert who brought creepy and uncomfortable to a whole new level. The ancient tome and her protege tried many times to dispose of the doppelganger, but to no avail. They were stuck with him until they could figure out a way to destroy him for good.

It was quickly discovered during their stay at the Mystery Shack that NomiFinja _hated_ Bill and vice versa, seeing as the dark entity was vying for Nomi’s affections just as much, if not more, than Bill was. Nomi was understandably frustrated with the feud; the two males were essentially fighting over her like feral dogs over a scrap of meat. Despite not wanting to involve herself with their ridiculous competition, Nomi found herself siding with Bill more often than not. When it came to sleeping arrangements, Nomi ultimately conceded and allowed Bill to share the bed with her; one of them was bound to creep into it anyways had she stood firm on keeping the bed to herself, may as well let it be the lesser of two evils. It was weird for her to think about, but she trusted Bill to sleep with her a hell of a lot more than NomiFinja, especially since the dream demon did an exceptional job keeping the other male away during the night.

Bill’s possessiveness over Nomi spilled over towards the kids as well the longer the other male hung around; while Nomi may have been NomiFinja’s primary object of affection, the dark doppelganger had no qualms against making the children uncomfortable. While the dream demon claimed his protection of the young ones was solely because _he_ was the only one allowed to pester them, it transcended to something deeper, and that was something the ancient tome secretly admired. Bill was pleasantly surprised whenever he received small kisses as a reward for shooing off the immoral man from any of the kids.

Back to their current predicament, the Mystery Shack’s temperature seemed to drop to near-arctic conditions while the heater remained out of commission. Stan had gone into town to look for parts to fix it himself (he refused to spend the money on someone else to repair it) whilst the kids, along with Wendy and Soos, had plundered the linen closet and all the beds in order to build a giant, cozy fort of warmth up in the attic where they all huddled together and watched movies on Howard’s McDVD player.

A few blankets had been spared downstairs for the remaining three occupants, having been snatched up by the two men in hopes of luring the redhead into either of their laps for warmth. Bill occupied the old yellow sofa while NomiFinja seated himself against the dinosaur skull being used as an end table. Nomi was huddled up in the middle of the floor right in front of the TV, arms wrapped around her torso and knees drawn up to her chest to accumulate what little warmth she could muster. Goosebumps littered her arms, her fingers colored a sickly shade of white while her body trembled from the cold.

“Hardcover, you’re turning into a popsicle over there!” Bill piped up, “Why don’t you come over here and let me help you thaw out? I’m all nice and toasty~” he cooed with a sing-song tone towards the end, flapping the ends of his blankets a bit to further entice her. Nomi ignored him, staying firmly planted in her spot.

“Come sit with me instead, Nomi-babe~ I know a good way to warm you up~” NomiFinja purred, licking his lips sensually as a lecherous smirk found its usual place upon his features. The redhead shuddered in disgust.

Nomi remained glued to her space, further curling in on herself to collect more warmth. It wasn’t until she felt hot breath on her ear that she broke out of her little ball and scrambled away, eyes wide as she glared at the one who dared encroach on her personal space.

Undeterred by the reaction, NomiFinja crawled over towards the startled redhead, leering at her lustfully as he moved to loom over her. “Just let me warm you up, babe~ I promise it’ll be pleasurable for the both of us~”

With a low growl, Nomi punched the intruding male in the throat, _hard._ She took his choking as an opportunity to slip away and rise quickly to her feet, coming to a stop right in front of Bill.

“Scoot over, I’m sitting here now.” the ancient tome commanded.

“I knew you’d come to your senses sooner or later!” Bill chirped, eagerly complying to make room for Nomi on the couch. The second she sat down, the dream demon instantly enveloped her in his blanket-covered arms and pulled her flush against him, the heat radiating from his demon core making his body much warmer than the average human’s. Nomi practically melted into the heat that suddenly surrounded her, quickly tucking her arms against Bill’s warm torso and nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck.

“Shit, you’re warm…” she sighed contently, further snuggling up to the dream demon beneath the blankets to siphon off more of his warmth for herself. Bill let out a happy sigh of his own, pressing a kiss to Nomi’s head as he held her even closer.

NomiFinja finally reclaimed his breath, massaging his bruised throat as he glared furiously up at Bill; how dare he take _his_ girl away from him like that!

Bill just smirked smugly down at the other, pressing another kiss to Nomi’s head before sticking his tongue out in a childish manner.

“I win~”

NomiFinja just growled before he stormed out of the room, leaving the dream demon and the ancient tome to themselves.


	4. Sock Opera 2: Electric Boogaloo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Out of all the ciphercon drabbles I've written so far, this one was my favorite prompt to write for and I adore this drabble ^w^
> 
> Original tumblr post:
> 
> https://xdreamer45x.tumblr.com/post/102349637704/prompt-either-bill-or-nomicon-dragging-the-other-one
> 
> ~~~

**prompt: Either Bill or Nomicon dragging the other one into doing a puppet show for some stupid reason.**

**\- heavy-conspiracies**

yes perfect >:D

lol don’t mind the stupid title XP

~~~

_**Sock Opera 2: Electric Boogaloo** _

“Hey, Hardcover!” came the obnoxiously chipper voice from none other than Bill Cipher himself.

Nomi groaned from her seat in Stan’s old yellow chair, slapping down the mystery novel Dipper had let her borrow against her thigh in annoyance. “What do you want, Bill? I’m busy.” she snapped.

“You can read later! I wanna show you a thing!” the dream demon chirped, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he eagerly stood before her, hands hidden behind his back.

A vexed sigh left the redhead, “Fine, make it quick.” Fingers drummed impatiently atop the cover of the loaned book.

“Take a gander at this!” Bill quickly withdrew his hands from behind his back and held them straight out in front of Nomi. Covering the appendages were two sock puppets crudely made into his and Nomi’s likenesses.

“…Cute.” the ancient tome commented dismissively, lifting the book back up to resume reading.

“Wait! I’m not done yet!” Bill interjected, snagging the book out of Nomi’s hands and flinging it across the room.

_“What the fuck, Bill?!”_ Nomi snarled, green eyes glaring daggers at the eccentric man as she shot out of her seat. Bill immediately shoved her back in the chair, using a little more force than necessary.

“Your silly novel can wait, this is _way_ more important!” he said, excitable tone still intact. Nomi grumbled, but remained in the chair per Bill’s request.

Pleased that the redhead was complying, Bill darted off to grab a couple of chairs from the table settled near the TV, dragging them over with his sock puppet-covered hands and arranging them to his liking before running off to fetch a sheet from the linen closet, draping it over the chairs once he returned to complete his makeshift “stage”.

"After I ruined Shooting Star’s little puppet show not too long ago, I figured I’d give one of my own a try!” Bill beamed, moving to the back side of the “stage” to kneel down behind the sheet. The dream demon raised his arms so that the sock puppets were the only things visible. “Okay, here I go!”

Nomi could barely hold in her laughter throughout Bill’s little production; it was absolutely _terrible,_ but that was what made it funny. The goofy voices Bill used for their puppet counterparts nearly had her in tears.

“Oh, Bill~ You’re so handsome and powerful~” came the corny line in a horrendously hilarious imitation of Nomi’s voice. The ancient tome snorted out a stifled laugh.

“Indeed I am!” replied Bill’s sock counterpart in an awful yet hysterical interpretation of his own voice. “Let’s make out!”

“Okay!” the Nomi sock puppet answered before Bill dramatically smushed their faces together, complete with cheesy kissing noises.

Nomi burst into a fit of laughter, slapping the arm of the chair she was sitting in a few times before completely falling out of it and onto the floor, clutching her aching sides as her laughter persisted. Bill continued the kissing scene, seeing as he couldn’t stop the small bursts of his own laughter that interrupted the kissing sounds and prevented him from moving on.

Nomi eventually recovered enough to speak in a coherent sentence, “I would never say something like that! Much less even kiss you like that!” she giggled out, her voice showing the beginnings of going hoarse.

Bill’s head popped up from behind the sheet, putting a pause on his show. “So how _would_ you kiss me, then?” he inquired, a devious smile spreading across his features.

Nomi sat up and scooted herself closer to Bill. She knew he was baiting her, but just this once she decided to humor him. The redhead tugged down the sheet blocking the dream demon from her, tossing it off to the side before sitting up on her knees and inching even closer.

“Well, first I’d ditch the puppets.” she answered, her laughter finally dying down as she tugged Bill’s sock creations off his hands, throwing them over with the sheet lying in a heap on the floor.

“And then what?” Bill prompted, a sultry-sounding purr lacing his voice. He inched himself closer until he was nearly touching noses with Nomi.

The ancient tome’s cheeks lit up with a brilliant shade of pink at the dream demon’s close proximity, the fun and carefree mood immediately switching to one filled with anxiousness and hesitation. Nomi bit her lip as her eyes darted away from Bill’s piercing gaze, contemplating whether or not she should follow through.

“Well, uh…” Green hues flicked back up before quickly looking away once more. “Then I’d…do…this…” Her voice died in her throat towards the end, eyelids sliding closed as she leaned in to press her lips to Bill’s, heart hammering in her chest as her mind raced with thoughts of whether or not she’d regret this later.

Bill met her halfway, sealing their lips together in a gentle yet passionate kiss. It didn’t take long for Nomi to relax into their lip lock, seeing just how much Bill was reciprocating and encouraging her to continue, his lips practically begging hers for more.

Nomi found herself readjusting her position to a more intimate one, her body shifting to straddle Bill’s lap and press up against him. The dream demon eagerly responded, arms wrapping around her waist as he pulled her even closer, further deepening their kiss. The tome’s fingers found their way into Bill’s messy crop of black and neon blue hair, digits idly combing through the strands as their owner slowly allowed herself to come undone in her partner’s presence. Bill pushed his hips up against Nomi’s, eliciting a small, heated gasp from her.

The ancient beings were completely absorbed in their moment of passion, both of them failing to notice the opening of the front door.

Mabel was the first one to burst into the living room, a loud, melodramatic gasp leaving her before a giddy grin overtook her features.

“Bill and Nomi sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” she sang boisterously as she began dancing around the room, effectively startling the lip-locked pair.

Nomi ripped her lips away from Bill’s with a scream, shoving him away from her as she tumbled gracelessly out of his lap. Bill seemed more surprised over Nomi abruptly cutting off their kiss than Mabel’s raucous singing.

Dipper, Stan, Randy, and Howard came rushing in just seconds after Mabel started making a commotion, confused eyes searching for the cause of the girl’s noisy outburst. Their gazes fell on a confused Bill and a wide-eyed, red-faced Nomi, seeming to already be putting the pieces together.

Nomi panicked under their scrutinizing stares. When Bill moved closer to check on her, she slapped him clean across the face before launching herself to her feet, bolting out of the room in an embarrassed rush.

“Do I even wanna know what just happened?” Stan asked over Mabel’s persistent singing.

Bill laughed heartily, unfazed by the stinging pain on his cheek. “That depends, you got any bleach for that feeble human brain of yours?” Granted, he and Nomi had only kissed, but messing with the meatbags was always fun for him.

“Aw, shnasty! What did you do to the Nomicon?!” Randy shrieked. Stan shuddered in disgust before beating a hasty retreat. Dipper paled, excusing himself from the room while Howard made retching noises.

Bill just laughed even harder. He should really make a habit of kissing Nomi more if things always got to be this fun.


	5. Drunk Dorito

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another request from a drabble prompt list :P I actually don't like this one very much, I wrote Nomi way too mean here and overall I feel like this is one of my weaker works, but I don't feel like rewriting it either XD
> 
> Original tumblr post:
> 
> https://xdreamer45x.tumblr.com/post/134188119694/would-you-mind-doing-ciphercon-with-11-as-well-p
> 
> ~~~

**Would you mind doing Ciphercon with 11 as well? :P Sorry if you're not cool with me asking for two!**

**\- saiyansastiel**

from this meme: [[x](http://xdreamer45x.tumblr.com/post/134153736544/send-me-a-ship-and-one-of-these-and-ill-write-a)]

lol omfg what’s with everyone sending me the prompt for drunk people XD

I used quotes from markiplier’s playthrough of [yandere](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DJlwCE7UHi88&t=OTI3OTllZTU3YjI3NGE0ZThhNTY4OTdhOGI2ZTFiNDc2OTAwNzc2NixZRzBhcmFkaQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AiSUOVWedPaxKoGrKJS-X5w&p=https%3A%2F%2Fxdreamer45x.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F134188119694%2Fwould-you-mind-doing-ciphercon-with-11-as-well-p&m=1&ts=1609918130) [simulator](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dm2xZTHtUhrM&t=ZjU3NjAwZmNlZTcyZmI4ZTQ5OTBlYzNhNTdmZWE5ZjM3ZGYyMmRhNyxZRzBhcmFkaQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AiSUOVWedPaxKoGrKJS-X5w&p=https%3A%2F%2Fxdreamer45x.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F134188119694%2Fwould-you-mind-doing-ciphercon-with-11-as-well-p&m=1&ts=1609918130) for Bill’s lines cuz they’re ridiculous enough to fit for him XP

~~~

**_11.) things you said when you were drunk:_ **

Laughter rang out from two women seated on the front porch outside the Mystery Shack, the pair exchanging stories and sipping iced tea in the warmth of the summer afternoon.

“Oh my God, did that seriously happen?” Nomi asked, laughing from the sheer absurdity of her friend’s tale.

“I couldn’t make that up even if I tried, dear!” Marci giggled back with a flick of her wrist, her bracelets jingling from the motion.

Nomi was about to respond back until she heard stumbling from inside, accompanied by an unmistakable voice. She almost brushed it off before the front door swung wide open, slamming back against the wall.

“Oh, balls…” she grimaced.

“Hello, gaggle of friends! I AM A NORMAL GIRL!” Bill slurred out as he nearly fell on top of Nomi in his attempt to lean against the couch situated on the porch. It was obvious he had been drinking.

Marci stared at Bill, her expression a mix of confusion and concern while Nomi simply groaned and face-palmed.

“You look _great_ today!” Bill gestured drunkenly toward Marci as he draped himself over Nomi. “You, too!” he directed toward his wife.

Bill leaned close to Nomi to whisper something to her, yet his voice was anything but. “I’m building reputation with everybody before I go on my murderous rampage! O’course that won’t happen anytime soon! HaHAhaha!” he cackled before his inebriated attention shifted back to Marci, _“Whoa_ , what’s with yer boobs?”

_“Bill!”_ Nomi barked, harshly elbowing her plastered husband in the ribs before turning back to Marci. “I am _SO_ sorry about him…”

“I-is this… _normal_ for him, dear?” Marci asked tentatively, feeling incredibly uncomfortable as Bill began staring at her intently.

“Sadly, yes…” Nomi affirmed, “He says some _really_ stupid and fucked up shit when he gets shit-faced like this.”

“Y’better not be messin’ with my senpai, Boobs McKenzie!” Bill blurted out, keeping his gaze on Marci. “YOU GET OUTTA HERE! SHE’S MINE!” His body flopped over Nomi’s like a sack of soggy noodles until he suddenly stiffened up, a frightening glint in his single eye. “I’ll murder you…I shall murder you all…”

The color drained from Marci’s face at the drunken threat issued towards her. Nomi was at the end of her rope.

_“FOR FUCK’S SAKE, BILL!”_ she bellowed, shoving the demon off of her as she shot up to her feet. _“DON’T YOU **EVER** TALK TO MY FRIEND LIKE THAT **EVER** AGAIN OR I’LL RIP YOUR FUCKING EYE RIGHT OUT OF YOUR STUPID FACE! YOU ARE FUCKING **WASTED** , SO GET YOUR DRUNK ASS BACK INSIDE AND TAKE A DAMN NAP TO SLEEP THIS SHIT OFF OR SO HELP ME!”_

Bill opened his mouth to complain, but Nomi quickly cut him off by harshly dragging him back in the house. She shoved him back inside before slamming the front door with a little more force than necessary. Bill was not pleased. 

“SENPAI. _SENPAI._ _**AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”**_ the demon screeched shrilly as he pounded on the front door, his drunken state making him forget that the door wasn’t actually locked. _**“COME BACK HERE ‘N’ LIKE ME! I’M GON’ GETCHA!”**_

Nomi was about to turn back around to further reprimand Bill until she heard Ford yell at him from inside and drag him away from the door. She ran her fingers through her hair with a groan as she flopped back down on the couch.

“I’m _really_ sorry about all that…” Nomi apologized, “Bill’s a fucking _idiot_ when he’s drunk…”

Marci seemed to regain a bit of her composure after Nomi chased off her heavily intoxicated husband, “Does this happen often?”

“Pretty much every time he drinks…” Nomi replied. “I’m always doing damage control whenever he touches alcohol cuz he’s fucking _awful_ when he’s drunk…”

“I’m so sorry, dear…” Marci gently patted Nomi’s hand.

“It’s fine.” Nomi reassured, “After all, he’s got _me_ reigning him in whenever he gets out of hand. I’ve had _tons_ of experience dealing with all sorts of dumbasses.” she finished with a wink.

Marci giggled, “I couldn’t imagine a better person for the job.”

Nomi chuckled in return, picking her glass of iced tea back up. “So, where were we?” 

le end ;P


End file.
